Hello TIMP readers! I am delighted to share some news: I have a book coming out with Adams Media and Simon & Schuster in October!
Gender: Your Guide is basically TIMP x 1000 in terms of depth and breadth. There is some expanded content from the blog within it, but also personal stories, research data and tools for hands-on pronoun practice. I’m delighted with how it has turned out.
I wrote Gender: Your Guideto do exactly what I hope TIMP has been doing: to be a thing that transgender and/or non-binary and/or gender non-conforming people can give to our people to help them understand and also meet our gender-related needs. It also helps our people to think about how they, too, are affected by the rigid ways that gender can play out in the places they spend time, and how they can do something about it not only for us but for themselves too. Coalition!
I hope that you can get your hands on it when it comes out in October, and you can pre-order it now. And if you have questions or inquiries about the book, the best way to ask is my sending me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“What do you suggest for when a person who identifies as gender neutral must pick either male or female for official documents and such. Thank you!”
This is a tough one. With the exception of Australia (please correct me), I don’t think that there is a governmental bureaucracy with official gender options other than the old M or F. I know many folks whose ‘gender’ on their driver’s license (etc.) doesn’t match their gender identity and/or gender expression. This causes all kinds of problems and leads anyone with your ID (etc.) to wrongly presume what they should call you (Ms., Mr., etc.) and how they should treat you. Often online bureaucratic forms don’t even let you refrain from selecting a ‘gender’ option but prevent you from submitting the form unless you put yourself in one of two binary gender boxes. Ugh. I feel your frustration.
I’m afraid I don’t have anything terribly insightful to offer to you in the short term, Anonymous, other self-care and taking the path of least resistance: to try your best to remember that this is ridiculous and dumb, that it’s something which other people think they need to know but they really don’t, that it has no reflection on who you are as a person, but that any inconsistency across governmental records would likely cause you many problems in accessing services you need. (Of course, it is well-documented that precisely this problem prevents many of us from accessing services at all.)
However, I’ve been speaking so far about governmental institutions. Private and even some public sector institutions might be more flexible. To the best of your ability, ask if anything can be done or if you can just ask for ‘gender’ to remain blank. Universities and colleges, for example, often have equity officers or LGBTQ resource centres who likely know a lot about how this battle is and/or has been fought in their institution. Other people under the transgender umbrella likely do as well. So my last piece of advice is ask, ask, ask! Ask the bureaucrats and ask the community, and perhaps something can be done until the gender splendour revolution arrives.
As for long term advice? Smash the (non-consensual) gender binary!