TIMP in the media!

“We have to be willing to fail and have humility to be kind and be respectful when we are corrected and then move on,” Airton told Mashable. “That’s a very hard skill.”

TIMP has been featured in the big leagues of social media journalism! On Mashable!

In February I was contacted by a journalist from Mashable in connection with this blog. The interview and fact-checking process made me think a lot about being and presenting myself as a gender-neutral pronoun user and a trans spectrum person, particularly with regard to the media. It was interesting and the journalist was very respectful, but I have delayed sharing the article on TIMP until now because I feel ambivalent about being portrayed as someone who struggles with “dread and anxiety” or who “regularly navigates” a “complicated reality.” This is not untrue, but it’s hard to feel like one is commenting from a position as a long-time blogger and a scholar (in addition to writing TIMP, I’m an academic who researches and publishes on gender and sexual diversity issues) but is eventually represented as someone who’s authority only comes from their individual (and dreadful and anxious) existence. I think this references a trend in how LGBTQ people are portrayed, and also how we portray ourselves in order to make sure that we get money, space and time in places like schools to do the work we know is important. However, at this point my academic and TIMP selves are oddly merging and I must desist!

That said, however, TIMP appreciates the publicity and the willingness of Mashable to take up this important issue!

What to do (on Facebook) when you think someone you know has changed pronouns

Anonymous asked:

“Years ago, one of my friends came out as trans and was using he/they as pronouns, but we totally lost touch. My friend recently reactivated their FB account with a different name (one sounding more traditionally “feminine”), and I want to reconnect and ask what pronouns they’re using but I’m not sure the best way to ask?”

Thanks for your question!

As someone who has switched pronouns in my life, I really like it when I get a break from doing some of the work of explaining and publicizing my needs, even to people I like or know well. So, I would first suggest that you have a look at this person’s FB wall. Are there people you know in common who are active Commenters or Likers or Taggers or who are in recently-dated photos with your friend (YF)? **Important…are these people who you knew in common at the time when YF identified as trans and used he/they? In other words, have these people persisted in YF’s life while YF’s gender expression and/or identity has changed (at least as far as you can tell from YF’s name change)? If so, I’d say a kind and mindful first step would be to ask one of these people, if you feel comfortable doing so.

The second option, of course, is to get in touch with YF with the intention of reconnecting and, well, reconnect. Asking how YF is doing and updating YF on your stuff doesn’t require that you use a gendered pronoun for YF! Chances are if YF is into rekindling your friendship YF will bring up their gender-related needs as you correspond.

I’d suggest doing either of these things before you might get in touch to ‘pop’ the pronoun question.

Hope that helps!

Lee

Coming out as genderqueer on Facebook

milkandqueerios asked:

“Any tips on how to “come out” as genderqueer on Facebook? I want to request that my friends use singular they for my pronoun but I’m not sure how to ask…”

Hello there milkandqueerios!

(I’m going to assume from your question that you feel a degree of safety in coming out on Facebook, seeing as you seem to have decided and are working out the logistics. If I’m wrong I apologize.)

I’m glad that I happened to dawdle a bit on answering your question because it just so happens that Facebook just changed their gender options to add about a dozen new identity terms including genderqueer. You can also select ‘they’ as a pronoun. The odd part is that the form is set up in such a way that you can’t select a pronoun without indicating a gender. I also identify as genderqueer and feel quite comfortable with that term (at least more so than any other) and yet there was something odd about putting it into a form! Maybe I just don’t like forms? #contrarian

So, in this day and age it appears you can passively come out by letting Facebook do the work for you. Whenever someone sees anything about you or wants to interact with you in a scripted way (‘Send them a message’, for example) ‘they/them’ will be used.

If you want to do something more direct, I would suggest figuring out if there is a particular group of people who you really want to reach out to and restrict your post using FB’s various settings. I say this because I have about 150 friends who I never talk to including many from high school who I only keep because sometimes I get curious (if I’m honest). Do I want them or others to get in touch and ask when I’m having The Surgery, heaven forbid? Do I want to do a trans/genderqueer 101 workshop for people? Do I want to spark a strange wall discussion among people likely not in the loop? Personally, I wouldn’t. But if you feel open to peoples’ questions and interpretations who aren’t active parts of your life anymore, I salute you and encourage you to skip this step.

However, you will get questions regardless of whether you restrict who can see the post (which you might like, but which some don’t). I would honestly keep the post simple and keep your boundaries – you don’t have to get back to everyone who has a quibble or a query. Perhaps say what you want from people (please use this pronoun for me), a brief reason why (I identify as genderqueer and what that means to me) and then refer them to a usage guide like…this one? TIMP? #shamelessplug

You can also encourage anyone to ask me questions and I’ll do the public education (it is after all the point of this blog)! And finally, if these are close friends you are talking about – and providing you feel safe doing so – why not ask them in person? You could even enlist the coolest of them to post things on your wall or tag you in things appearing on your wall in which they use your chosen pronoun, leading by example. Just a thought. Or, if you choose to make a coming out statement on FB, you could prepare these same friends in advance so that they can get right on there and offer positive feedback or other support in the comments section.

Hope this helps, and happy FB-ing,

Lee